Life...ha

I have been away for the last week since surgery and I have been going through sleep cycles and taking the pain meds. But it seemed like since I have been out of bed I get a little bit better daily, yet I still hurt not in my head thankfully but in my heart for having the feeling of never getting back to normal. Maybe this is my new normal. I went to the neurologist and he said I could have a bone spur in my back causing the numbness, dizziness etc. He doesn't think it is MS but it could still be a possibility. My namesake, god mother, and one of the smartest women I had in my life had the same disease, and I know if I were to be diagnosed then I would push myself to not only get more fit then I am and work to stay active, something as my aunt did until it was too much. They really did not have the type of knowledge they do now back in the 80's. I would honor her and fight like a girl against this disease. I have overcome 8 facial surgeries whats another challenge.

When I think of the loved ones I have lost in my lifetime, the last few have been the most difficult. I never realized how much of a bond I had with my uncle until it was too late, he already was dying from pancreatic cancer. Cancer has been a huge factor in my life with my mom mom losing her battle over 15 yrs ago, my grandfather before I was born, and then my uncles who I was not too close to but they were still apart of my life. The first death of my mom- mom in 98 changed my life for the worst as I sought out a way of outlets using binge eating and having a bulimia type problem for over 10 yrs, I learned it paid me back big time in acid re-flux, GERD, IBS etc. But with all these issues, I decided I would grow from this and help myself by helping others. Unfortunately, my uncle passed 6 months after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and again I took it rather roughly as I did my aunt before him. I regret not spending the time I had with them when they were here on earth. But I do know they are always with me. My aunt proves it every night by being in my dreams and butterflies and dragonflies always around me. My uncle always sends me a dime to let me know he is here with me.

My aunt's favorite singer was Neil Diamond, and I can always remember his version of Felis Navidad playing in her house while decorating her tree. Well this song I found the day my uncle passed and it has made me realized that they are all with me and guard me every day from straying from the path I chose to take. I still listen to Neil today and it feels like my aunt and uncle are up in heaven singing to me. I love you both MEMs and Uncle Bob!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI8FIm1Mrw0


I can say that I am happy I still have my mom, loved ones, family and friends, especially Tony to get me through everything that comes my way. I will face this and some other issues straight ahead!!!

Thanks for listening.